Every romance needs a boost every once in a while, and rich romances are no different. So how do you show the loved one in your life that he or she is worth more than a $10 marital aid you bought under cover of night from a hole in the wall? Try one of these glamorous toys, and live it up in style.
Lelo Yva Vibrator – $1,500
Crafted from 18K gold, this tiny gal arrives in a stylish wooden box, and comes with charger, manual, satin pouch for stylish storage and a 1-year LELO warranty. It needs to be special ordered – somehow I doubt many gentlemen would buy one of these for their lady friends.
Little Steel Tonight – $2,000
Made out of solid steel and adorned with 28 black diamonds, this is the only item on this list to have rock cred. The vibrator was designed by Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics, and the lyrics to the song “Let’s Do It Again” are scrawled graffiti style all over it. As a bonus, if you buy the vibrator, you can get a copy of the song for free. Personally, I’d prefer “Sweet Dreams”, but I guess you get what you get.
Betony Vernon Silver Nipple Clips Collier – $2,800
Made of solid silver by “master erotic jeweler” Betony Vernon, these clips look like they could probably pass for a necklace. There is a warning not to leave them on for over 15 minutes, but they don’t say exactly what will happen if you do. I think we can all imagine the possibilities. That’s right: weasels everywhere.
Betony Vernon Unicorn Butt Plug – $2,978
I’m actually a little confused by this: the plug part resembles a horn, and yet the unicorn tail comes out the back. Clearly Betony Vernon has a fundamental misunderstanding of unicorn physiology.
The F**K Hammer – $3,500
This chair, which wastes no time with flowery names, is for a certain type of couple:
1) For a man who thinks it take WAY too long to satisfy his lover, or is constantly away
2) For a woman who went to the gynecologist and though to herself: “You know, I could totally get nailed by a robot in this chair.”
The chair ranges in price from $2,000 to a ball-shrinking $50,000, and comes with leather upholstery, hand-blown attachments, built-in aromatherapy, and even a built in vaporizer for vaporizing “herbals” to enhance the experience.
Custom Female Real Doll – $5,999
Made to order to your specifications, you can customize just about everything about this doll. Be ready to pay for a few modifications, though. Adding an extra cup size will cost you an extra $850, and adding pubic hair will cost another $100. Here’s a question: this seems to be for someone who flies solo, but if you and your significant other play with this doll together, is it still considered a threesome? What if it’s modeled after her?
Dream Love Chair – $6,200
A Korean innovation, it brings together the two pastimes of most teenage men: sex and laziness. It is mostly sold to high end hotels in Japan, which has a growing industry for “Sex Hotels”. These hotels feature a wide array of debauched delights for guests, and the DLC fits right in. Designed originally for people with a physical disability, those who are overweight, or in otherwise poor health, the DLC does all the work (position-wise) for you.
Inez – $10,500
The Inez can be crafted in either stainless steel or 18K gold, and boasts a virtually silent motor. It comes with an elegant wooden gift box, accessorized with charger, manual, satin pouch for stylish storage and a 1-year LELO warranty. It’s also rechargeable!
Victor – $60,000
Alright, here’s something for a little more pocket money! Designed by Maison Victor, a high-end jeweler in Paris, it’s made from platinum and is set with 117 diamonds. Not only that, but the center ring of diamonds can be removed and used as a detachable wedding ring!
Beckham’s Gift – $1.8 Million
For $1.8 million, this toy had better be the best thing since sliced bread. What? It’s another vibrator? Oh. The platinum vibrator, with a 10-carat diamond encrusted base linked to a 16-carat diamond necklace, is one of only 10 in the world — and was created by London strip-club owner Peter Stringfellow for Victoria Beckham. It was bought by her husband, the famous David Beckham, while she was pregnant. Some women crave kiwi ice cream and roast beef, Posh Spice craves…heh.