Oh god, I think I’m in love. Problem: she’s 11. Also, she’s not real.

I’m honestly not sure which of those is worse, but I’ll let it slide.

For those who have read the comic, or heard anything about Kick-Ass, you know who I’m talking about. For the rest of you, I’ll explain. Soon you will understand.

Kick-Ass isn’t a superhero movie. It’s a movie about people with no special powers other than guts, borderline child abuse, an insane need for daddy’s approval, and a sense that the world CAN be a better place if people just grew a pair.

A teenage nerd decides that there’s no reason for superheroes NOT to exist. So he buys a scuba suit, sets out to fight crime, gets his ass handed to him, and meets some friends along the way. Definitely not something for the squeamish or anyone looking for something light-hearted, this movie swims in blood.

Nicholas Cage is fantastic as Big Daddy – a vicious vigilante out to take down a resident crime lord. The star of the show, though, is Chloë Grace Moretz, who plays Hit-Girl. A pint-size killer with a mouth like a sailor, she treats combat like a hide-and-seek…except she’s always “it” and she’s looking for your vital organs. She has three absolutely jaw-dropping fight scenes, and I found myself wondering not why they had stuck a child into such a brutal role, but why no one had done it before.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not out for “a butterfly knife in every stocking” type of thing. The thing that hit me the most about the character was that she was the most credible female hero we’ve seen in a long time. She plays with knives like some kid plays with dolls, and she loves it. She doesn’t get into the business to prove anything, she doesn’t compare herself to any male heroes, and you get the sense that she really doesn’t care to. She’s easily the most violent character in the movie, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s a girl. The two aspects of her being operate on completely different levels. She can eviscerate a thug and then bring her dad hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

In the end, the movie was fantastic, and the action scenes were out of this world. Leave your sense of self-righteous anger over a child saying the c-word at the door (seriously, blink and you’ll miss it), and you’re in for a ride. If you want to go for authentic, pick up the comic as well, it’s well worth it.